You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Are my feet made of real feet?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
