so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
