I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
