If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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