I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
