they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
