Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
