It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
