I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
