giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
