seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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