Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Randomize
