I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
