you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
