I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
