Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
