so that wasnt chicken after all
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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