Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
