genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
