I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
