oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
