I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
