I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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