I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
