i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
