so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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