Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
