I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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