if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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