You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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