Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
