Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
