Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
