how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
