I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
