There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
