Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
