Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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