it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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