you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
