Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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