Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
