I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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