Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
