were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
