im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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