Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
