so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
