"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
