we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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