I could make wine with my vomit
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
