Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
