who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
