His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
