I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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