the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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