yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
