you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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