My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
