Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
