operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
